So we finish, quickly drag the equipment off the stage, and make room for Hanker. I go find a quiet spot to lay down in the cool grass; usually it helps a lot to dissipate the heat filling my body after a show. (except most times it’s on concrete; the grass and natural earth worked better. Maybe it’s the forces of nature.)

Hey, did I get around to telling the stories of the Hamburg prostitutes?

No?

Well, it’s not time yet. And no jumping ahead, either. I’ll get to it.

My original plan was to photograph each and every band – but in the actuality, there were moments when I was busy preparing, interviewing, sleeping, signing stuff, negotiating deals, and all that. So, the bands that I did not get, sorry, not a personal thing. I even missed some of my more favorite ones from the list. I did get a pretty good sampling of our Greek brothers, Battleroar and Bloodstained, though.

I always wish I could bring my big (film) camera, too, but it’s too heavy to cart around the world. So I do what I can with the digital one.

At least when you take a crap photo you can usually tell right away, and try to get a better one. However, with the small screen, all the activity and the darkness, sometimes you can’t tell if the image is blurred or not.

Eventually everyone plays, the show winds down. We get some tshirts from the event, and Thomas gives me the cool metal tickets that I wanted. Those are the greatest tickets I’ve ever seen, that is a monster idea. We pack up our crap, and catch a ride into Hamburg with the Vortex guys; they’re heading in to the Headbanger’s Ballroom, to play the after show. (We plan to head down there later; it’s walking distance from the hotel, but everyone is too damn tired.)

We’re based at the Stern hotel – it’s cheap, $29 a night for a double. It’s also dead center in the red light district. 5 or 6 long blocks of sex shops, shows, and whatever. Across the street is the transvestite review (not my thing). Bob sleeps, Jack and I scout for food – and there’s plenty of it. Burger King, Pizza Hut, Hessburger, Greek restaurants, steak houses, 4 or 5 places on every block. A couple of supermarkets, where Jack and I lay in some late night (cheap) food stock.

Especially chocolate. Man, that stuff is cheap. I got a lot from a gas station, 60 cents a bar, that would be between 2 and 4 dollars here. My suitcase was full when I got home. But Pringles, they cost a fortune. (wished I’d gotten them, though, especially when I was sitting in the English airport starving, because I wouldn’t pay $20 for a meal.)

So, there were these girls. Down by the Burger King. They were very evenly spaced from each other.

They were all very fine.

Now, if you’ve been to America, you’re used to seeing a pretty rough bunch of prostitues, on the whole. Crack whores and street walkers, and a lot that you’d just turn and run from.

These girls were so fine you couldn’t believe their occupation. They were all high on the scale, some like sisters, some like models, but all very very nice. Oddly, (to us) they dressed in pants, sweaters, and the like, rather than the usual short skirts and flashy fabrics that are normal here.

And they are packing English. “Hi, want to come up with us? $30. For an hour. (on Sunday, during the week it was a half hour) Man, temptation runs rampant. There has to be something wrong. No, we’re just getting something to eat. “ok, later.” Later …. “Now you’ve eaten, we go, ok?”….Ummm…. Bob says he’s too tired. “That’s ok, we massage you, give you good orgasm.” Ahh… not now, maybe tomorrow.

Now, the girl who is on Bob: She’s small, has long blonde hair hung in two thick braids on either side of her head. Her name? Of course, it’s Heidi. And Heidi entertains us so much over the next few days, I feel I owe her money.

The girl who came up to me, was probably too sophisticated for me, but did her best …. You are a very interesting guy, etc. No, I’m boring. Not right now… “Why not?” No matter what you said, it was why not. Well, maybe tomorrow. Not now. And we escape.

So, the next day…. Jack and I make a run, alone. And we run into Heidi. “Where’s Bob?” Sleeping. Maybe later. “He said today.” Well, we’ll tell him. My girl (they seem to claim their territory, and have first choice until they are refused by the client) also wants to know when, and it’s maybe later.

We go tell Bob Heidi is looking for him. He has moral dilemmas about this, because she is so young and innocent (right.) Eventually we make a run out, and he runs into her.

Now this is a masterpiece of acting. She moves her small frame right next to him, and rolls her eyes up (he’s around 6’5), and says, “you said tomorrow, it’s tomorrow.) She doesn’t whine, but sounds sad that he hasn’t come for her, it’s a great moment in theatre. All the rest of the trip, we tell him that Heidi is starving, Heidi needs a new pair of socks, whatever, to make him feel guilty.

Mine, she finally gives up and tells me I am very boring. That’s a lot different from very interesting. Hey, I told you I was boring. I’m too poor. (we suspect there has to be expensive drinks, extras, that kind of stuff, because the price is just too low.)

By the way, they work directly across the street from the police station, in front of the Burger King. BK actually gets good business because of them.

But now that I’ve been cast aside, a new one approaches. “You are very sexy.” Well, thanks. The next line, following immediately, knocks me back for a second. “I want to fuck you.” That’s putting it on the line – I wish more girls would say that (the ones that don’t charge.) It’s such a pain for us guys to figure out what’s really going on in a girl’s head.

Nope, sorry, too poor. Gotta go.

Bob starts avoiding the area, so he doesn’t run into Heidi. Jack and I call him a wuss, and run the gauntlet whenever we go that way. Of course, by avoiding Heidi, he has to walk past his favorite barker, who tries to hook him into the club every time past, with cajoling and insults. “You said yesterday, I can’t believe you anymore.” “A lot of nice girls inside.” Jesus, there’s a lot of nice girls outside, how can you beat that? Cheaper to buy one than to look at one.

On the last day there, Heidi isn’t working. Another girl grabs Bob. “come upstairs, come on.” Nope. He’s going gambling, maybe later. “No, now, before you lose all your money.” (lost $45, by the way. )

Yeah, I forgot. There were also a lot of casinos on the street, but not the comfortable style like you have in Vegas – they pretty much reeked of “leave your money here with us”; but Bob turned up one that wasn’t too bad. Some of them looked like you played video games (real games, not video poker) to win money – but I didn’t check them out.

While we’re sleeping, Jack hits one of the video stores. He comes back shellshocked. What’s up? He went to one of those videos, where you insert money and switch through the channels; accidentally put too much in and had a lot of surfing time. “I’ve seen stuff I’ve never seen before, or even imagined, and some of it I never wanted to see.” I won’t give you any of the details he gave us; I don’t want to see some of it either.


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Battleroar
Bloodstained
The other bands
The People of HOA